This has been a really hard post for me to write. It has sat in my drafts folder for weeks and weeks. What’s in a name? Everything!
I know I’m not the first to have to make this decision. To change my name or not. The Boy is more than supportive either way – change it, or hyphenate, or just keep my name – whatever I want to do, he’s cool with it. Of course that’s not to say he doesn’t have a preference. He would prefer that I take his name, drop mine and presumably never speak of it again. Okay, maybe I’m being a little over-dramatic with that last part.
Sista thinks someone should do a sociological study on women who don’t change their names. It’s the small traditional side of her coming out I guess. She has a theory that their is a correlation (NOT causation – she’s always clear to point that out) between women who do not change their names and divorce rates. She thinks that by keeping your name you are not fully committing to the marriage subconsciously. Deep deep deep down you are prepared to cut and run – you kept your own name for that very reason.
I doubt it. I think our divorce rates are so ridiculous because we live in a disposable society. If something doesn’t work – throw it away. I also think that the Boy and I have been together for SO long that we definitely fit into the category of those that will stay together because we have not truly experienced adulthood without each other. His problems are my problems and vice versa. We’re in it to win it, and have been long before my left hand acquired a sparkly companion.
I do like that my parents have the same last name. Obviously I can’t imagine it any other way. I really don’t think of my Mom as ever having had another last name. When I asked her about the weird feelings thinking of yourself as a different last name she said it never goes away. It still feels weird and whenever someone calls her Mrs. W she STILL does a double take and looks for her long since deceased mother-in-law.
I like the idea of having the same last name as the Boy, we will be our own little family after all. And I’m excited about that. AND I did come up with a compromise – perhaps we could take each others names. We would both have both last names – but we could go by his. I still think it’s a beautiful sentiment. I am taking him and his family, and he is taking me and my family. Equality. Feminism. Beautiful.
He didn’t go for it.
“I don’t want to change my name” he said.
“Of course you don’t! That’s the point – we’re both taking on each other, we both get to keep ourselves, but add another!” I argued.
“If you don’t want to change your name, then don’t do it – it’s fine.”
It’s fine? I know “it’s fine”. I’ve perfected “it’s fine.” “It’s fine” means I don’t want to tell you what to do, so if you could just come to the realization on your own that would really be helping me out. “It’s fine” means, I have an opinion, I won’t be MAD if you don’t agree because that’s not the type of person I am – but I DEFINITELY have a preferred outcome here. “It’s fine” does NOT mean it. is. fine.
I have come to a decision. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.
For now, weigh in – did/will you change your name? Why or why not? Did you find it strange to adjust to?